1. 我是高中心理老師。我自己是存在主義流派的。在實際教學(xué)中，常常被領(lǐng)導(dǎo)要求開展積極心理學(xué)的教學(xué)。同時，我發(fā)現(xiàn)很難把存在主義最本質(zhì)的東西傳達(dá)給高中生。想請教一下，如何對高中生開展存在主義教育。
Your questions took me down memory lane and stimulated me to think about my high school education and reflect upon when I became an existential psychologist. That is a longer story for another time but Ibelieve that the seeds of my transformation were sown by Mr. Farina, my English teacher at that time. I was a math nerdin high school but strangely found myself drawn to Mr. Farina’s Senior Englishclass because he reached out and touched my soul. I recall that he would play instrumentalmusic for us and asked us to listen with our hearts. He required us to write personal journals andinvested the time to nurture our young developing souls through the reading each of our weekly journals. He provided such personal feedback to some of my journal entries. So I learned about existence and existential psychology through Mr. Farina without even knowingit. Intellectually, we could not fullydigest what he was trying to convey to us through our reading assignments which consisted of both contemporary and classical literature. But at the very least, Mr. Farina made itcool to be an artist nerd. The seedsthat he sown took a long time to germinate. Looking back now, I can see that our young souls soaked up what hetaught us but it took decades for our intellect to catch up. I think we needed time to live life and accumulate enough life experiences before being able to grasp what Mr. Farinawas trying to share with us regarding the wisdom of the artists.
你的問題使我回憶并激發(fā)我思考自己的高中教育，從而反思我是什么時候成為一個存在主義心理學(xué)家的。這是另一個更長的故事了，找別的時間再說，但我相信使我轉(zhuǎn)變的種子是我的英語老師法里納先生在那時播下的。
在高中時，我是一個數(shù)學(xué)方面的書呆子，但奇怪的是，我發(fā)現(xiàn)自己被法里納先生的高中英語課所吸引了，因為他伸出手，觸動了我的靈魂。
我記得他會為我們演奏器樂，讓我們用心去聽。他要求我們寫個人日志，并花時間閱讀我們每個人的周日志，以此來培養(yǎng)我們年輕的靈魂。他給我的一些日志提供了這樣的個人反饋。所以我在毫不知情的情況下，通過法里納先生了解了存在主義和存在主義心理學(xué)。
在智力上，我們無法完全理解他試圖通過我們的閱讀作業(yè)來傳達(dá)給我們的信息，這些閱讀作業(yè)包括當(dāng)代文學(xué)和古典文學(xué)。但至少，法里納讓做一個藝術(shù)家書呆子這件事變得很酷。他種下的種子花了很長時間才發(fā)芽。
現(xiàn)在回想起來，我可以看到我們年輕的靈魂吸收了他教給我們的東西，但我們的智力則花了幾十年才趕上來。我認(rèn)為我們需要時間來生活，積累足夠的生活經(jīng)驗，然后才能理解法里納先生試圖與我們分享的關(guān)于藝術(shù)家的智慧。
Ibelieve we can pass on knowledge but not wisdom. Wisdom must be embodied. It is gained through experience. Therefore, my encouragement to you is to bethe existential psychology curriculum for your high school students. I think often about how to teach these simpleand yet profound existential and humanistic concepts to my students. For example, it takes perhaps no more than ten minutes to intellectually grasp the concept of authenticity. However, it takes a life-time to put in inpractice. What I resolved eventually was that the best way for me to teach “authenticity” is to try to be the most authentic person I can be. And believeme, I’m not even close. What I learned from dancing is that in order to be a good leader, I must direct my energy and weight inward and effect my own movement and through my own movement transmitthe lead to my partner. Trying to “l(fā)ead”my partner by directing my weight and energy towards my partner will eventuallymake thins quite uncomfortable for her. So the short of it is, embody what you’re trying the teach and for the student who are looking for what you have to offer, they will naturally bedrawn toward your presence like a moth towards fire.
我相信我們可以傳遞知識，但不能傳遞智慧。智慧必須具體化，它是通過經(jīng)驗獲得的。因此，我鼓勵你自己成為你的高中學(xué)生的存在主義心理學(xué)教程。我經(jīng)常思考如何把這些簡單卻深刻的存在主義和人文主義概念教給我的學(xué)生。
例如，從智力上理解真實性的概念可能不超過十分鐘。然而，這需要一生的時間來付諸實踐。我最終決定，對我來說，教“真實”的最好方法是努力做最真實的自己。相信我，我還差得遠(yuǎn)呢。
我從舞蹈中學(xué)到的是，為了成為一個好的引領(lǐng)者，我必須把自己的能量和重量向內(nèi)引導(dǎo)，影響自己的動作，通過自己的動作把引導(dǎo)傳遞給我的舞伴。而試圖將我的體重和能量引導(dǎo)到我的舞伴身上，以此來“領(lǐng)導(dǎo)”我的舞伴，這最終會讓她感到非常不舒服。簡而言之，要具體表達(dá)出你所努力教授的東西，對于那些尋找你必須提供東西的學(xué)生來說，他們自然會被你的存在所吸引，就如同飛蛾撲火一般。
Andfinally, I share your struggle and frustration with the edict to teach thepositive without examining the negative. This is impossible for how can you have yang without the yin? Life and death, pain and joy, suffering and creativity are inter-dependent. And both “positive” and “negative” are illusory anyway. It is understandable that the administrators at your school wants you tofocus more on sunshine without emphasizing the surrounding clouds. To this end, I would share the following paintings of the sunset and share the following passage with your administrators and your students. Hopefully the beauty of nature will communicate to them that yin andyang are inseparable.
最后，我和你們一樣，對不審視消極因素而教授積極因素的法令感到掙扎和沮喪。你有陽而沒有陰，這可能嗎？生與死、苦與樂、苦難與創(chuàng)造是相互依存的。
無論如何，“積極”和“消極”都是錯覺?？梢岳斫獾氖?，你們學(xué)校的管理人員希望你們更多地關(guān)注陽光，而不是周圍的云。為此，我將與你們的管理人員和學(xué)生分享下面的日落圖和文章。希望大自然的美能告訴他們陰陽是不可分割的。
如何繪出夕陽
想像一副美麗的，迷人的，以燦爛夕陽為主題的繪畫。為了突出主題，我們需要一些暗色調(diào)與主色調(diào)形成對比。最重要的是，暗色的使用需要遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)多于落日的光芒，但它的功能僅僅是作為背景幕存在。而且，相對于那一束璀璨的光芒，我們有更多的自由創(chuàng)造和使用這些暗色。然而，最終是那束燦爛的光芒迷住了我們。但若沒有暗色的環(huán)繞包圍，這光芒是不完整的，更缺少了那震撼人心的沖擊力。
2. 我們醫(yī)院在隔離病區(qū)上班的部分醫(yī)務(wù)人員暫時住在疫情防控指揮部征用過來的一家酒店里，但酒店不愿意提供保潔服務(wù)（這個可以理解），也不允許這些醫(yī)務(wù)人員在大堂活動（每天下班回來要在大堂測體溫才能進(jìn)房間）。有些人會覺得很委屈，感覺自己每天都那么艱辛的在付出卻受到歧視！請問怎樣可以支持到他們？
I imagine that if I were one of the medicalstaff, I too would be angry and aggrieved. It’s downright unjust. I wouldthink, “I’m making tremendous sacrifices here and not only are you not showingany appreciation, which I now know you’re unable to give, but instead, you’re discriminating against me as well! Tohell with you!” I think their anger is justified. Everyone want their supportand care, but who is going to care for them? Therefore, I think one of the important ways that I can be of support isto bear witness to their sacrifice and let them know that their sacrifice isnot in vain.
我想，如果我是一名醫(yī)務(wù)人員，我也會感到憤怒和委屈。這是完全不公平的。我會想，“我在這里做出了巨大的犧牲，而你們不僅沒有表現(xiàn)出任何感激之情，我現(xiàn)在知道你們無法表達(dá)感激之情，相反，你們還在以不公平的方式對待我！去你的！”
我認(rèn)為他們的憤怒是合乎情理的。每個人都需要他們的支持和關(guān)心，但是誰來關(guān)心他們呢?因此，我認(rèn)為我能夠支持他們的一個重要方式就是為他們的犧牲作證，并且讓他們知道他們的犧牲不是徒勞的。
The medical staff are making this sacrificebecause they are living out their higher calling. They are choosing to risk and suffer for ahigher cause and higher purpose. Ibelieve they are willing to endure this suffering to the extent that they owntheir choice and are not forced to provide the medical care against theirwill. What is extremely difficult toendure is to suffer in vain. The Russianauthor Dostoyevsky once said, “There isonly one thing that I dread: not to beworthy of my sufferings.” I think itmakes a difference that at the very least, one person truly knows, validatesand appreciate their suffering. And Ithink we do this best in this instance through our willingness to empathize andvalidate their anger, not by simply telling them that we appreciate their sacrifice. We can show our appreciationthrough our willingness to suffer with them. During this crisis, we’re likely to feel powerless and helpless. For example, in this instance, we cannotalleviate the somewhat reasonable anxiety on the part of the hotel staff. Furthermore, we can be tempted to think howmuch of a difference can my lone witness make when faced with an entire hotel staff that is acting out of fear? Yet,we must believe that a deep compassionate willingness to see, really see andunderstand the sacrifices made by these heroic few medical personnel can andwill make a significant difference. Think back to our own periods of suffering and how the validatingcompanionship of one friend was the strand of hope and support that we held onto.
醫(yī)務(wù)人員之所以做出這種犧牲，是因為他們正在踐行自己更崇高的使命。他們正選擇為了更崇高的事業(yè)和更崇高的目標(biāo)去冒險和受苦。我相信，他們有自己的選擇，而不是被迫提供違反他們意愿的醫(yī)療保健，他們則愿意忍受這種痛苦直到這樣一種地步。極其難以忍受的，則是白白受苦。
俄國作家陀思妥耶夫斯基曾經(jīng)說過:“我只擔(dān)心一件事，我怕我配不上自己所受的苦難?！蔽艺J(rèn)為，至少有一個人真正了解、認(rèn)同并感激他們?yōu)榇怂馐艿目嚯y，這是很重要的。
我認(rèn)為，在這種情況下，我們能夠做到最好的便是我們愿意同理和認(rèn)同他們的憤怒，而不是僅僅告訴他們我們感謝他們的犧牲。我們可以通過表達(dá)愿意和他們一起受苦來傳遞我們的感激之情。
在這場危機(jī)中，我們可能會感到無力和無助。例如，在這種情況下，我們無法緩解酒店員工某些合理的焦慮。更有甚者，當(dāng)我們面對一群出于恐懼而行動的酒店員工時，我們不禁會想，我唯一的證人能夠帶來多大的影響呢?
然而，我們必須相信，有一種深切的慈悲的意愿去看到，真正看到和理解這些英勇的醫(yī)務(wù)人員所作出的犧牲，這是能夠而且將會產(chǎn)生重大影響的?；叵胍幌挛覀冏约旱目嚯y時期，一個朋友的有效陪伴是如何給予了我們堅持下去的一線希望和支持。
At times like this, it is tempting to beginto explain to the medical personnel that the hotel staff is acting out of fearand perhaps to forgive them for their folly. But trust that the medical personnel already understands this. It is likely that they are already inundated with such fear and anxiety from all those that they treat, Which of us would not numb and protectourselves when faced with such overwhelming need? My belief is that if we are able to provide aform of Khora (ancient Greek term used by Plato to designate a receptacle withwomb-like characteristics) hospitality and sanctuary where the medical personnel are able to get enough physical and emotional rest, and through compassionate understanding; through our courageous willingness to listen toand contain their anger, they will eventually come out through the other sideand be more in touch with the fear of the hotel workers who represent all of usin society at large.
在這種情況下，人們很容易向醫(yī)護(hù)人員解釋，酒店員工的行為是出出自于恐懼，也許還讓醫(yī)務(wù)人員原諒他們的荒唐行為。但要相信醫(yī)務(wù)人員已經(jīng)明白這一點。他們很可能已經(jīng)被那些他們所治療的人所帶來的恐懼和焦慮所淹沒，我們中有誰會在面對如此巨大的需求時不會麻木并保護(hù)自己呢?
我的信念是，如果我們能夠提供Khora（古希臘的一個術(shù)語，柏拉圖用來指一個具有子宮特征的容器)這般形式的款待和避難所，在那里，醫(yī)務(wù)人員能夠得到足夠的身體和精神上的休息；并通過我們慈悲的理解，通過我們勇敢地傾聽和接納他們的憤怒，他們最終會從另一邊走出來，并更多地鏈接到酒店員工的恐懼，而這些酒店員工的恐懼則代表著我們整個社會的普遍恐懼。
3. 請教楊老師，在心理救援中，除了被大家普遍認(rèn)可的傾聽、共情之外，各種講座里傾向于多使用放松技術(shù)、積極認(rèn)知和積極想象技術(shù)，來緩解急性的焦慮癥狀，您覺得在這種情況下，存在主義的直面焦慮、直面死亡恐懼的理念，是完全不能觸及還是可以適當(dāng)運用？如果可以適當(dāng)運用的話，如何掌控它的度？謝謝！
My opinion is that relaxation and positive thinking techniques can be helpful to alleviate some of the surface symptoms, but it is important how thesetechniques are practiced. Namely thatthe application of the techniques does not communicate a running away from thebasic existential anxiety that is part of living. For example, since a few days ago when Iwrote the initial essay, I was struggling with whether to go to my retreat inthe Philippines or not. The struggle has essentially been erased because the Philippines government has now refused togrant entry to people arriving from China. Positive thinking may tell me, “See things have a way of workingthemselves out.” However, this form of thinking without integrating the opposite, is incomplete. Because many other things continue to remainuncertain. The fact is, the uncertaintyhas always been there. It’s just now highlighted by the current crisis. I’m struggling with whether to take the risk to travel to another province to visitmy girlfriend or not? How many people will be on the train? Will I beinfected? Will I infect others? Will I be able to return to Beijing? Relaxation techniques and positive thinking will only provide me with limited relief. At a very basic level, I am faced with the decisions, “How shall I live? How shall I live today? How much risk shall I take on?” There are no right answers. There is only a right answer for me and that changes day by day, moment by moment.
我的觀點是，放松和積極思考的技巧可以幫助緩解一些表面癥狀，但重要的是這些技巧如何實踐。也就是說，這些技巧的運用并沒有傳達(dá)出一種逃避基本的生存焦慮，而這種焦慮正是生活的一部分。
舉個例子，自從幾天前我寫最初的那篇文章（點擊閱讀：《焦慮意味著：世界在敲你的門，你需要創(chuàng)造》）時我就一直糾結(jié)是否要去菲律賓靜修。由于菲律賓政府現(xiàn)拒絕讓來自中國的人入境，這場糾結(jié)基本上已經(jīng)不復(fù)存在。
積極的想法可能會告訴我，“看到事情會自行解決。”然而，這種不整合對立事物的思維方式是不完整的。因為許多其他事情仍然不確定。事實上，不確定性一直存在。目前的危機(jī)就更突顯了這一點。
我正在糾結(jié)是否要冒這個險去另一個省看望我的女朋友?火車上將會有多少人?我會被感染嗎?我會傳染給別人嗎?我將能回北京嗎?放松技巧和積極思考只能讓我得到有限的解脫。在非常基本的層面上，我面臨著這些抉擇，“我將該如何生活?我今天該如何生活?我將要冒多大的風(fēng)險?”這些問題沒有正確的答案。
對我來說，只有一個正確的答案，就是這個答案每天都在變，每時每刻都在變。
Similarly,as with the case of the anger of the medical personnel, I’m tempted to take the easier route of explaining to them what they already know. That the hotel workers are acting out offear. This is a more subtle form of positive thinking. In fact, the medical personnel are already showing their understanding given their acceptance of thehotel staff’s unwillingness to clean their rooms. This is suffering that they are willing toendure. What the medical personnel arefacing on a more heightened level and what we are all facing is that we are all dealing with the fragility of life, now made more manifest through the Coronavirus. The medical personnel arestaging a heroic battle to strengthen the immune system of those that are most seriously affected to battle against the virus. To my limited understanding, our immune systems grows stronger as the result of fighting against diseases. Again, most of us are resilient and the vast majority of those whocontract the virus will eventually recover. But this form of “positive thinking” or what I prefer to call “existential awareness” is gained not through the avoidance of thinking about the fragility of our existence. Instead, this mindful form of living, as described by Martin Heidegger who I wrote about in the original essay, comes about through the integration,not the management or the running away from our fears. Once again in the words of Heidegger, this ontological mode of existence is where one is “authentic, responsible for choice, aware and transcendent. Embracing my possibilitiesand limits; facing absolute freedom and nothingness – and IS anxious in the face of them.”
類似的，正如醫(yī)務(wù)人員生氣的那個例子一樣，我傾向于采取更簡單的方式向他們解釋他們已經(jīng)知道的事情。酒店員工的行為是出于恐懼。這是一種更微妙的積極思維。
事實上，醫(yī)務(wù)人員已經(jīng)表達(dá)了他們的理解，因為他們接受了酒店員工不愿打掃房間。這是他們愿意忍受的痛苦。醫(yī)護(hù)人員面臨更高層次的問題，我們所有人都面臨的問題是我們都在應(yīng)對生命的脆弱，這一點現(xiàn)如今通過冠狀病毒顯示得更加明顯。
醫(yī)務(wù)人員正在展開一場英勇的戰(zhàn)斗，以增強(qiáng)那些感染最為嚴(yán)重的人的免疫系統(tǒng)與病毒作斗爭。據(jù)我有限的了解，我們的免疫系統(tǒng)會因為對抗疾病而變得更強(qiáng)。此外，我們大多數(shù)人都有恢復(fù)能力，絕大多數(shù)感染病毒的人最終都會康復(fù)。
但是，這種形式的“積極思考”，或者我更愿意稱之為“存在意識”，不是通過回避思考我們存在的脆弱性而獲得的。相反，正如我在最初的文章中所寫道的，馬丁·海德格爾描述這種正念的生活方式，是通過整合而來的，而不是通過管理或逃避我們的恐懼而來。再一次用海德格爾的話來說，這種存在的模式是一個人是“真實的，對選擇承擔(dān)責(zé)任的，覺知的和超越的”。擁抱我的可能性和極限；面對絕對的自由和虛無——在它們面前我感到焦慮。”
So what I want to communicate is that yes, fear can paralyze us. During this crisis, I’m tempted to just curlup in a ball, sleep all day and take flight from all this anxiety. I don’t want to face the anxiety associated with freedom and responsibility, the need sooner or later to make decisions asto whether and how I will arise from my bed and face this uncertain world. My God, just the decision as to whether to goto the supermarket to buy food can seem so overwhelming. So Zhi-mian includes paralysis and running away. In addition however, Zhi-mian canalso give us courage. Based on mylimited understanding, the flu vaccine involves a small dose of the medical scientists’ best guess as to this year’s variant of the flu virus. We choose to allow them to inject us with thevirus with the belief that our bodies will grow more resilient as the result of fighting the virus. So this answers thelast part of your question.
Through companionship, we help our clients to zhi-mian attenuated doses of anxietywhile trusting that they have the resolve, that their psychological immunesystem will marshal the resources to live out their existence. Once again, the therapist’s task as Rollo May teaches usis to reduce anxiety to tolerable levels and then to use the anxietyconstructively.
所以我想要傳達(dá)的是，是的，恐懼可以使我們感到無力。在這場危機(jī)中，我很想蜷成一團(tuán)，睡上一整天，逃離所有的焦慮。我不想面對與自由和責(zé)任相關(guān)的焦慮，也不想面對遲早需要去決定的事情---是否起床，如何起床，如何面對這個不確定的世界。
我的天啊，光是決定是否去超市買食物都似乎讓我覺得難以應(yīng)付。所以，直面包括無力感和逃避。但是，除此之外，直面也給予了我們勇氣。
根據(jù)我有限的了解，流感疫苗只占醫(yī)學(xué)科學(xué)家對今年流感病毒變異的最佳猜測的一小部分。我們選擇讓他們給我們注射病毒，相信我們的身體會因為對抗病毒而變得更加有復(fù)原能力。這就回答了你問題的最后那部分。通過陪伴，我們幫助案主去直面焦慮并減輕焦慮的程度，同時我們相信他們有決心并相信自身的心理免疫系統(tǒng)會調(diào)動資源讓自己活下去。再者，治療師的任務(wù)正如羅洛·梅所教我們的那樣，就是將焦慮降低到可承受的水平，然后建設(shè)性地利用這種焦慮。
Finally, your question of how do we assess how much anxiety our clientscan handle? Good question. The short answer is to prescribe attenuated doses of anxiety and then reassess as you go along. Often our clients will surprise us with theircourage and resolve. But it all begins with us.
The question is how muchanxiety can we handle? I think it’s alsotrue that we surprise ourselves as well. We are like mountain guides who accompany our clients through the peaksand valleys of their lives. How much anxiety our clients are willing to endure is often related to how much anxietywe’re willing to endure. If we are willing to open ourselves to the fear and unjust aspects of existence, forexample the anger from the discrimination that the heroic medical personnel have to endure from those that they are trying to help, then we can be agreater source of comfort for those who come to us seeking guidance. And it is not that we must become expertmountaineers ourselves.
No that is notso. What it requires is familiarity withthe peaks and valleys of our own existential journeys. Yes, it will require us to get out of bed andventure into the supermarkets in a mindful manner. It requires us to be awakened to existenceand work out our own stance as to how to live with existential anxiety.
最后，你的問題是我們?nèi)绾卧u估客戶能夠承受的焦慮程度?
好問題。
簡而言之，就是給案主開減少劑量的焦慮癥方面的藥品，然后在治療過程中重新評估。案主的勇氣和決心經(jīng)常會給我們帶來驚喜。但一切都得從我們自身開始。問題是我們自己能承受多大的焦慮?我想我們也會給自己一個驚喜。
我們就像高山向?qū)?，陪著案主走過人生的高峰和低谷。我們的案主愿意承受的焦慮程度通常與我們自己愿意承受的焦慮程度有關(guān)。如果我們愿意敞開心扉去面對恐懼和不公平的方面存在，比如英勇的醫(yī)務(wù)人員的憤怒來自于他們不得不容忍自己正在試圖幫助的人對他們的不公平待遇，而我們則可以提供更大的安慰給那些來向我們尋求指引的人。
這并不是說我們自己必須成為登山專家。不，不是這樣的。它所需要的是我們熟悉自己所存在之旅程中的高峰和低谷。是的，它需要我們起床，有覺察地走進(jìn)超市。它需要我們對存在是有覺知的，并對如何與存在性的焦慮共存形成自己的立場。
4. 有個朋友面對疫情很恐慌，還說自己得了抑郁癥，今天都想跑到天臺上跳下去，面對這樣的情況，如何支持？
This is a difficult and challenging situation because the friend is threatening suicide. One of the first things that I want to be clear about is in what capacity or roleyou are taking on in helping him. As aclinician, when one of my clients is threatening suicide, I want to assess the seriousness of the threat. However, in this situation, you are a friend so I will offer you my thoughts as to how you might help him as a friend. If a friend of mine told this to me, I’d take his threat seriously and let him or her knowthat I’m very concerned about him and ask him if he is serious about wanting toend his life. I would ask this question directly, in all seriousness, to determine if the friend is crying out for help or is serious about wanting to take his life. If he is serious about wanting to take his own life, I would show great concern and ask him to check himself into a hospital if the threat is imminent or otherwise seek psychological help.
On the other hand, if this is a cry for help, and you’reinclined to help, I’d take the time to try to enter into his world and listento his pain. One of the main riskfactors when it comes to suicidality is social isolation. Often times, the risk can be reduced ifsomeone is willing to take their pain seriously. But one thing to keep in mind is that ouroffer to help is voluntary, not mandatory. Just because a person, even if it’s our friend is asking for help, itdoes not automatically mean that we need to drop everything in our lives and rush to help. The thing that I want to communicate to my friends and my clients is that I take very seriously any threats of suicide and help them to know that these threats are not to be taken lightly. Sometimes, people don’t know how to ask for help without resorting to something as dramatic as threatening suicide. So if I were working with aclient, I’d want to work with them to find other ways to communicate their pain and desire for help without resorting to such escalation.
您的朋友已經(jīng)出現(xiàn)自殺傾向，這樣看來情況是比較復(fù)雜的，有一定挑戰(zhàn)性。首先，我想在您所能提供的幫助及所能扮演的角色方面為您提供一定建議。作為一名心理咨詢師，如果來訪者出現(xiàn)自殺傾向，我會首先評估其嚴(yán)重性。
但鑒于所述情況中您是患者的朋友，那么我將向您分享作為朋友所能提供的幫助。站在一個朋友的角度，如果我的朋友向我吐露自殺傾向，我會嚴(yán)肅對待，表明我對此事的關(guān)切，并向其本人確認(rèn)自殺傾向的真實性。在詢問確認(rèn)時，我也將以嚴(yán)肅認(rèn)真的態(tài)度直接提問，以確認(rèn)其是否正在尋求幫助或是的確決定結(jié)束生命。
若對方?jīng)Q意結(jié)束生命，除卻致以真誠的關(guān)心，我還會建議對方積極就醫(yī)，檢查身體狀況，或主動尋求心理治療。如果了解到對方正在尋求幫助，而我能夠施以援手，我將嘗試進(jìn)入對方內(nèi)心世界，傾聽對方的痛苦。
自殺心理的一大主要誘因是社會孤立。通常，如果這種傾向被嚴(yán)肅對待，造成不良后果的風(fēng)險將會有效降低。但有一點是必須明確的，即我們所提供的幫助是一種自愿行為，并非義務(wù)。即便對方是我們的朋友，也并不意味著我們有義務(wù)放棄個人生活為其提供幫助。
而我會向我的朋友或是來訪者強(qiáng)調(diào)的則是，我將認(rèn)真對待他們的情況，并表示充分的關(guān)心。由于不懂得如何尋求幫助，有時人們會代之以激進(jìn)的做法，例如威脅自殺，因此在工作中我會盡可能以其他平和的方式與來訪者溝通，了解其痛苦和求助的意愿，避免其訴諸激進(jìn)形式。
5. 做為心理工作者，在這非常時期，我們也完全面臨著各種危險和壓力，我們該如何照顧好自己，同時有力量輸出愛和支持給他人？
I see that the answer to your question is already embedded into your question. So the simple answer is to turn your question in to a statement, namely that we needto practice good self-care and take good care of ourselves So that we have the strength to provide care and support for others.
Of course this is much easier said than done. Us counselors and psychotherapists are natural people helpers and are easily drawn to provide comfort. This comes easily to us. What I’ve found is that often times, we arenot very good at taking care of ourselves. In fact, sometimes we can be down right harsh to ourselves while showing great compassion to those that we help. The Bible has a well-known proverb that reminds us to remove the log inour own eyes before taking out the splinter in others. This is often applied as acknowledging ourown blind spots before pointing out that of others. However, in my experience, I see that the same principle applies to not only blind spots but mercy as well. Again, we can show great mercy to others andyet be so harsh onto ourselves. The truth is, it is much easier to teach these concepts than the live themout. It is a lifelong practice.
Pragmatically, if one is to have a long career as apeople helper, one must learn good self-care. For example, often times I have to remind myself not to feel guilty forcarrying my tennis backpack to meetings and classes for it is easy to fall inthe trap that in order to show worth, I need to do more and be more productive while going to play seems like a guilty pleasure. How can I show my students and colleagues that I’m going out to play? Or thatcompared to my colleagues who might have hundreds of emails to reply to, I too should be similarly busy. Now think about it. This kind of thinking isabsurd! Instead, I need to remind myself that we all make different choices and that the choices I make to achieve mywork-life balance is unique and only need to be suitable for me. Comparisons are unhealthy!
I believe that the ability to listen and provide quality companionship is even more important during times of crisis. And the ability to provide quality listening and companionship has everything to do with our presence and our ability to bepresent. Often times what makes the crucial difference in therapy is not what we do, but how we do it. In the words of Carl Rogers, “What is important in therapy is not what we must DO, but how we must BE.” And cultivating presence, that quality ofbeing is what we emphasize in our training. So during this time of crisis, many of us will be called to providecompanionship, that listening ear to those who are suffering. There is an important difference in viewingthis as a task or believing that listening, not advice or techniques are themost important thing that we offer. Ifwe are to provide this type of care, it is critically important that we practice good self-care and make sure that our spirits are in the right place to be that healing presence.
其實，問題的答案已經(jīng)在您的提問中有所體現(xiàn)了。也就是說，我們需要時刻關(guān)注自己的身體狀況，進(jìn)行自我保護(hù)，這樣才能為他人提供必要的支持和幫助。
這說起來容易，做起來卻難。我們作為心理工作者，為他人提供幫助、安撫他人情緒是常有的，但我時常發(fā)現(xiàn)，我們并不習(xí)慣于照顧自己。我們常常對我們幫助的對象表現(xiàn)出極大的同情，卻對自己嚴(yán)苛要求。
《圣經(jīng)》有言，不要只看見他人眼中的刺，而要先挑自己眼中的梁木。這教導(dǎo)人們要首先正視自己的不足。但從我的個人經(jīng)驗來看，這一告誡不僅僅要針對不足，也適用于憐憫之心。因為我們可能對他人極盡關(guān)愛而苛求自己。當(dāng)然，這是一種終身的努力，講道理總是比實踐來得容易。
從實際來看，要想長久從事助人事業(yè)，必須先學(xué)會自我關(guān)愛。例如，我時常為自己帶著網(wǎng)球包參加會議或課堂而感到羞愧，從而陷入自責(zé)的旋渦，認(rèn)為自己應(yīng)當(dāng)更為努力工作，做出更多的成果以作彌補。
我會捫心自問：我怎么能向我的同事和學(xué)生展露我將要放松的念頭呢？看到我的同事尚有上百封郵件要回，我便覺得自己也應(yīng)該同樣忙碌。但現(xiàn)在想來，我發(fā)覺我的想法十分荒謬。相反地，我應(yīng)該提醒自己，我不過是作出了不同的選擇以平衡工作和生活。我的選擇是獨特的，而且只需要考慮我自己，盲目的比較毫無意義。
我認(rèn)為，在這樣的非常時期，有效的傾聽和陪伴愈加重要。而能否提供有效傾聽和陪伴取決于我們的在場以及這種在場的質(zhì)量。通常，治療中起關(guān)鍵作用的不是我們做了什么，而是我們怎么做。美國心理學(xué)家卡爾?羅杰斯曾說，心理治療中重要的不是該做什么，而是怎么做。
因此，我們在培訓(xùn)中也常常強(qiáng)調(diào)心理工作者在場的質(zhì)量。在這樣的非常時期，我們時常需要去陪伴他人，向受到傷害的人提供必要的傾聽。有人將之視為工作，有人則認(rèn)為傾聽本身是超越建議和其他輔助手段之上最有意義的幫助，這兩者之間有很大的不同。為了提供有效的關(guān)愛，我們需要將自我關(guān)愛放在重要位置，保證自身處在良好的狀態(tài)之中，才能為他人提供有效的幫助。
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